…Even When I Don’t Love Myself
“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” –Galatians 5:14 NIV
That’s a powerful verse and it’s found a few more times throughout the Bible too. And I’m betting you have no problem loving others. Sure, sometimes family can be a pain or our kids can make us crazy but when it comes down to it, we still love them. It’s ‘easy’ to love others.
But how well do you do when it comes to loving yourself?
“That’s such a dumb thing to say.”
“How could I have been so stupid?”
“I can’t believe I just did that.”
“I am so ugly.”
Those words, or similar ones, are often spoken over and over inside our heads. They aren’t words we would ever think of saying to those around us – friends or family – but we can speak them to ourselves without hesitation. Why is that?
Sadly, society has trained us to fall into the trap of believing we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. It’s taught us that if we aren’t a certain height, weight, and skin color (just to name a few) that there’s something wrong with us.
Or what about when we keep reliving past mistakes over and over in our heads? What about forgiving others but not being able to forgive ourselves? And, finally, what about when we feel there’s no way God can love us when we don’t love ourselves and think our past sins are unforgiveable?
Why do we fall prey to those things and think those things about ourselves? Especially as Christians? God doesn’t want us believing those lies!
Just look at Psalm 139: 13-15: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” – -Psalm 139: 13-15 (NIV).
Did you catch that? Fearfully and wonderfully made!
But let’s face it, we’re human and it’s not always easy to fight the self-sabotage and negative self-talk which makes it difficult to show ourselves self-love and grace. And that’s right where the devil wants us – ‘hating’ ourselves.
What Is “Self-Love”?
What Is “Self-Love”?First, let’s get clear on how we’re defining self-love. If you look it up in the dictionary, it has a negative connotation: “The instinct by which one’s actions are directed to the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being, especially an excessive regard for one’s own advantage” (Dictionary.com).
That’s not what we’re talking about here. In this case we’re using the word self-love in a way that means not beating yourself up for past actions, or for looking in the mirror and loving what you see regardless of skin color, size, or number on the scale. We’re talking about self-love in terms of accepting ourselves…faults and all, just like He does.
So, how do you accept that God loves you even when you don’t love yourself? It’s not always easy. Believe me, I know the struggle. I battled this for many years, even though I was a born-again, Spirit-filled Christian. Every time I heard “Love your neighbor as yourself” I would cringe and think, “Oh man, if I do that my neighbor’s in trouble!”
Learning To Love Yourself
Learning To Love YourselfHere are some tips you can follow to start accepting God’s love even when you don’t love yourself:
1. Look up, not around you
We’ve already discussed, briefly, how society has caused us to believe if we’re not a certain height, weight, skin color, etc. that there’s something wrong with us. When we look around and compare ourselves with how much money a friend makes, the fancy car a neighbor drives, or the exotic vacations a colleague takes, it’s easy to get down on ourselves and start believing we’re not good enough.
But that’s not true! God doesn’t love us based on how much money we make, the vacations we take, or the car we drive. In fact, none of these things matter in the grand scheme of things.
Stop looking around and instead, look up and remember who you are in Him.
2. Meditate on His Word
The best way (and easiest) to accept God’s love is to immerse yourself in the Bible. Seek out the answers He gives through His word.
A quick Google search using a tool like biblegateway.com will let you search for a keyword. Or most Bibles even have an index where you can find verses based on a topic. If you don’t have a specific topic in mind, I recommend just opening your Bible and reading some verses on the page you opened to. Trust that whatever you needed to hear that day was shown to you in those words.
3. Do something for yourself
Contrary to what some Christians believe, it is not selfish to take time for yourself. In fact, God wants you to take care of you and that includes time to yourself. Decide what works for you and make it happen. This time can be used for something as simple as a quick walk, reading a few chapters of a book, listening to music, writing in your journal – whatever you feel like doing! And don’t forget, the idea of Sabbath rest is God’s idea!
4. Follow a healthy diet
I can hear my wife shouting, “AMEN!” I’ll be the first to admit, this is an area of my life that could use a lot of improvement.
What does this have to do with accepting God’s love? Everything! In fact, His Word even says: “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” –1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV).
Wow. There you have it in black and white – even something as simple as eating is to be done to bring glory to God. But aside from that, think about how you feel when you’re feeding your body “icky” stuff like candy, cookies, chips, fast food, pizza, soda, etc. Does it make you feel energized, refreshed, mentally aware? Or does it make you feel tired, sluggish, crummy, and mad at yourself for eating junk once again?
I’m guessing you chose the latter because that’s usually what happens when you eat that stuff. Not to mention all the health issues that can result when you’re eating all that unhealthy, non-nourishing stuff on a regular basis. A diet of junk will only add to the negative thoughts you may have about yourself. An occasional treat is fine, but it’s all about balance.
5. Exercise regularly
This one goes hand in hand with the above follow a healthy diet recommendation. Exercise doesn’t have to be a long gym workout or 60-minute exercise class. You don’t have to become a gym rat or bodybuilder. Just a few minutes of exercise a day can be beneficial. It’ll help your mood, which in turn will help you feel better about yourself.
I know what you’re thinking. “I hate exercising!” I used to feel that way myself. Believe me, I’m no exercise junkie. But a few years ago, after having several falls which necessitated walking with a cane, I decided to try Tai Chi. I joined a class at my local senior center and discovered that I enjoyed it. It was actually fun! I’m into my third year now, and it has definitely helped my balance and flexibility.
My point is that there are all sorts of ways to exercise, from simple walking to lifting weights. Find something that you enjoy, and you’re more likely to stick with it. Joining a class, as I did, can give you some support and accountability. Find what will work for you. The Bible refers to your body as a temple, so take care of it.
6. Seek counsel from a pastor or therapist
God will not be mad if you need to talk with someone else. Sometimes praying on our own isn’t enough and we need help from those around us. That’s alright! And it even says in His Word that where two or three are gathered He is there with them (Matthew 18:20). Our pastors, elders, and church leaders are there to minister, not only in services but one-on-one, too. If you have suffered any kind of abuse or trauma, it may also be necessary to seek psychiatric counseling as well (be sure they are supportive of your religious beliefs, however).
Sometimes taking care of yourself and accepting Gods love means to reach out and ask for help. Besides, gathering with someone or a few others for prayer and ministry is a wonderful way to soak up God’s love.
7. Forgive yourself
We know the importance of forgiving those who have hurt us and not carrying resentment or anger towards them. God’s Word even says that we’ll be forgiven if we forgive others who have sinned against us (Matthew 6:14).
So, doesn’t that mean we need to forgive ourselves too? Sometimes we may give in to the self-hatred, negative self-talk, and more. But accepting God’s love means that we forgive ourselves when we do these things and move along. Can you do that? Don’t you deserve to do that for yourself?
Give Yourself Grace
Give Yourself GraceThese tips are merely suggestions. You can choose one or two to focus on and start there. Maybe none of these things mentioned appeal to you. That’s okay too. Create your own list. Come up with your own ideas of ways you can let God love you even when you don’t love yourself.
I promise you, you can’t immerse yourself in God’s love and not eventually start loving yourself too.
Don’t ever forget who you are or who you belong to. You are God’s handiwork just like it says in His Word: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”– Ephesians 2:10 (NIV).
He loves you unconditionally. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He made you for a reason and has a plan for you. He knows you’ll make mistakes and sin along the way. He knew that way back when He created you! But that didn’t stop Him, did it?
Knowing how unconditionally loved you are, how he has a plan and purpose for your life, shouldn’t you show yourself a little compassion, grace, and self-love, too? After all, He thinks you’re worth it!
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